Did I mention that, in addition to two lovely dogs, I’ve also been left in charge of several plants? My mom has a bit of a green thumb.

Unfortunately for her plants, I don’t.

Plants and I have a history, that usually ends with death. In fact, the last time I bought a philodendron, I told the clerk I was bringing it home to die. (He told me I was morbid. I had to agree.)

But hey, I should be able to handle this. I have children, and they’re still alive. Ditto the dogs and cats. With all these breathing things around me, I’d go so far as to say “keeping living beings alive” is a bit of a specialty of mine. How hard can a few chlorophyll-loving, oxygen-producing leaf mongers be?

At the beginning of January, I set up a reminder to tend the plants, and have dutifully watered them every week.

One of her plants now looks like this:

Complete with reproachful dog glare

Dillon is playing the part of “the reproachful mom glare”

Hah-hah! Just kidding! It actually looks like this:

Anyone else need a trim?

For reference, when my parents left, it looked something like this:

Please, somebody, help us!

“For the love of God, somebody help us!”

In my defense, it’s not dead yet! And I think we can all agree that a single ivy is a small price to pay to avoid three months of this:

I actually live in Arendelle



flowin’ good

Ellie: So Mama, you were talking to Daddy, and Daddy was talking to me, but I was talking to Daddy, not you, but Daddy was talking about me to you—

Me: Hold up. I’m confused. Can you draw me a flow chart?

Ellie: Sure!

*a few minutes later*

Me: How’s that flow chart coming?

Ellie: It’s flowin’ good, Mama.


Attack of the delicious, delicious killer cookie

Ellie: “Mama, I have to tell you something.”

Me: “Oh?”

Ellie: “I kinda accidentally ate a cookie for breakfast before you got up this morning…but it was an accident.”

Me: “An accident, huh?”

Ellie: “Yeah, an accident. But I left the last one! I promise never to eat the last one.”