Gwen has her first loose tooth, and she’s so eager to have it out, she keeps begging her older sister to kick her in the face.
Tag: funny
File under “Things I never needed to say until I became a parent”
“No, thank you, my armpits don’t need a makeover.”
Variations on a theme
Gwen: “Knock knock!”
Me: “Who’s there?”
Gwen: “The interrupting butt.”
Me: “The interrupting bu —”
Gwen: “TOOOOOOOT!”
Gwen: “Knock knock!”
Me: “Who’s there?”
Gwen: “The interrupting horse.”
Me: “The interrupting ho —”
Gwen: “MOOOOO!”
Me: “Moo? I thought it was a horse.”
Gwen: “Yeah, the cow kinda got in the joke.”
Gwen: “I’m tired. Wanna go to nap.”
My child is some kind of magical, mythical creature, like a unicorn. I’m beginning to doubt she exists.
“I’m going to get some PJ’s, and you’ll be amazed at which ones I pick!”
— Ellie
File under “Things I Never Thought I’d Have To Say Until I Became a Parent.”
“Do not bite my butt! DO NOT BITE MY BUTT!”
#relativity
I kinda love that the girls’ frame of reference is still young enough that a two-night hotel stay and a trip to another town’s Super Wal-Mart carries the same level of excitement as, say, a trip to Disney World.
casualties
Did I mention that, in addition to two lovely dogs, I’ve also been left in charge of several plants? My mom has a bit of a green thumb.
Unfortunately for her plants, I don’t.
Plants and I have a history, that usually ends with death. In fact, the last time I bought a philodendron, I told the clerk I was bringing it home to die. (He told me I was morbid. I had to agree.)
But hey, I should be able to handle this. I have children, and they’re still alive. Ditto the dogs and cats. With all these breathing things around me, I’d go so far as to say “keeping living beings alive” is a bit of a specialty of mine. How hard can a few chlorophyll-loving, oxygen-producing leaf mongers be?
At the beginning of January, I set up a reminder to tend the plants, and have dutifully watered them every week.
One of her plants now looks like this:
Hah-hah! Just kidding! It actually looks like this:
For reference, when my parents left, it looked something like this:
In my defense, it’s not dead yet! And I think we can all agree that a single ivy is a small price to pay to avoid three months of this:
flowin’ good
Ellie: So Mama, you were talking to Daddy, and Daddy was talking to me, but I was talking to Daddy, not you, but Daddy was talking about me to you—
Me: Hold up. I’m confused. Can you draw me a flow chart?
Ellie: Sure!
*a few minutes later*
Me: How’s that flow chart coming?
Ellie: It’s flowin’ good, Mama.
Attack of the delicious, delicious killer cookie
Ellie: “Mama, I have to tell you something.”
Me: “Oh?”
Ellie: “I kinda accidentally ate a cookie for breakfast before you got up this morning…but it was an accident.”
Me: “An accident, huh?”
Ellie: “Yeah, an accident. But I left the last one! I promise never to eat the last one.”