You know you’re having a bad chocolate craving when you check out the fridge at your workplace and think, “Mmm, chocolate low-carb Slim Fast… wonder how much they’d mind if I took one….”
Oh, wait, right. Just because it says chocolate doesn’t mean it is chocolate, and just because it looks like a thick and delicious milkshake doesn’t mean it won’t taste like protein-infused poo. I’m no food scientist, but I do know my chocolate, and there is no chocolate in you, Slim Fast. You disappoint me so.
(On second thought, if I were to take it, I think I’d be doing the owner a favor.)
No, being that I’m not much for scavenging through other people’s lunches in search of treats, I’ll settle for my own drug of choice, in the form of Black Cherry Vanilla Diet Coke.
Compared to the Slim Fast, which could probably pass with moderate nutritional content, I can personally assure that BCVDC (it sounds like a disease! “I have BCVDC! It makes me twitch and talk really fast!”) has absolutely no nutritional content whatsoever, nor does it contain any trace of real black cherries or real vanilla (or real coke! Drat!). I can drink it freely, knowing that those pesky calories are no longer an object, knowing that no trace of real food substance will touch my tongue, even if I’m slowly giving myself brain cancer through aspartame poisoning. Such a small price to pay for that sweet, caffeinated elixir!
I don’t know how I’d get through the 3 p.m. drag without you, BCVDC.
Ahem. And on another subject, apparently I made the front page. Lil’ ol’ me? So thank you for those [this is good] votes, and thanks to the Vox gods for making it happen. I’d also like to thank the Academy… and the Coca-Cola Company, for making such a wonderfully addictive product… and my mother and father… and Jim-Bob, my second cousin… and great Auntie Lou….
What, work? Oh, right. Work. Yes.
(I almost forgot to mention it, but I’d been waiting for the Vox gods to make Haze’s banner into a full-fledged style ever since I saw it, and I’m so so glad it’s on my blog now! Squee!)
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