We’re in the middle of yet another snowstorm, and the only reason we have food today is because our nanny, E, offered to go grocery shopping for us before the storm hit.
Let that sink in for a moment–our nanny volunteered to take our two-year-old to the grocery store to do our shopping for us. She even made a special trip to Wal-Mart because the valentines I asked her to get for Ellie’s class were too expensive at the grocery store. And then she took Gwen to the candy store to pick out a few treats, just because.
Never mind all those trips to the library, the park, and the quality playtime she’s spent with both kids since we moved here.
It really got me thinking about how lucky we’ve been, not just with E (who is amazing) but with all the people who’ve treated our kids like family instead of charges. We may pay for the care, but you can’t buy the kind of relationship my girls have had with their various caregivers over the years, and for that, we’re incredibly fortunate.
Beyond that, we’re lucky to live with family who do things like mow the lawn and watch the dogs and act as back-up care for the kids (and just being here–sometimes it’s nice to know there’s another adult in the house!) We have a family friend who cleans for us once a week. And I’m personally grateful to have a husband who is an equal parent and does his fair share of juggling All The Things.
Then there’s my job, where I’m lucky enough to have the autonomy to work when I need to, the flexibility to work with my family’s schedule rather than around it, and to have the freedom to stay creative and genuinely love what I do.
A question I keep coming back to, specifically as it relates to work and life and having time for myself, is “How do I do it?”
It came up at dinner with some teammates in Charleston a few weeks ago. I was rambling on about my newly-acquired fanfic writing habit, and a co-worker asked the question.
I said something to the effect of, “My kids watch a lot of TV.” I was joking, of course (though my kids do watch too much TV, sigh), but I keep coming back to this question because people keep asking me–how do I do it? And I would like to be able to give a concrete answer.
So yesterday, when E was standing there with my kid on her hip, saying, “Hey, do you guys need anything at the store before the storm hits? I’m happy to do it, and it would keep Gwen occupied for a bit,” I realized a big part of the answer to that question is, “I have help!”
They say it takes a village to raise a child, and we’re lucky to have a village plus some.
But this got me thinking about a tangentially related issue, which is about recognizing my strengths and admitting my weaknesses and accepting them for what they are. For me, “how do I do it” means giving up unrealistic ideas about the kind of person I “should” be, and not pitting her against the person I actually am. I am not a full-time, stay-at-home mom–why would I expect myself to act like one? Likewise, I can’t stay up ’til the wee hours writing and theming, because: kids!
It’s a constant struggle for balance that no amount of hired help can fix. If nothing else, I’ve learned that I can survive on a little less sleep and a little more coffee.
Maybe a lot more coffee…
It’s still hard for me to believe, but a few weeks ago this little monkey turned one. She also started walking, and now she’s in college, working on an ambitious Furniture Climbing degree with a minor in Bumping One’s Head On Things. It is ridiculous how fast kids grow up these days, no? If this one doesn’t land us in the ER at least once before she’s two, we’ll be very lucky. Her favorite things are shoes, a toy bus, and a dancing stuffed bunny. She will eat almost anything, although she’s not as fond of fruits (except avocados, those are a big A+). She is as jolly and giggly as she is hot-tempered and stubborn — I did not know babies could have mood swings, but Gwen makes sure to have several each day. She can say “kitty” and “Ella” and “ny-ny” and “kick kick”, and when she grins, her dimples are magnificent.
And what about this little girl? Well, she’s very precocious and full of thoughts — so many thoughts! She tells us she’s getting a computer for her birthday (I have no idea who put this idea in her head) and that she’s going to marry her little sister someday (hey, works for us — we’ll only have to pay for one wedding, and we already approve of her future spouse!) Her favorite Halloween costumes, in no particular order: Rapunzel (from Tangled), a zombie (her sister would accompany her as a sunflower, a la Plants vs. Zombies), a bird. She has the facial expressions and vocabulary of a thirteen-year-old, but with all the sweetness of a three-year-old. She is afraid of trains (but only the sound they make — she loves riding them) and thinks having a little sister is awesome, except for the part where she has to share her toys, but only sometimes. She is my cuddlebug, and I think four is going to suit her well.
For the last few weeks we’ve tried to get out and about as much as possible. There’s a certain sense of urgency that sets in about this time — winter is coming, enjoy this while it lasts. Normally I find autumn inspiring and invigorating, but I’ve had a difficult time getting into it this year. S.A.D. may be the culprit; I have to soothe that panicky little bird in the back of my mind that tells me the cold will never end, that we’ll all be sick and miserable and stuck in the house FOREVER!