Roar, the battle-hardened veteran, lost his arm in a vicious encounter with the beast known as Atticus the Terror. Thankfully Dr. Daddy reattached the arm and Roar is resting comfortably.
Tag: parenthood
winter, you are so…winter…
Winters are long, white, and cold up here in Northern Maine. I’m trying to look for the beauty rather than the ugly. Like how brilliant the stars are on a clear night, or how the world looks perfect with a fresh coat of snow. I just have to look past the fact that I’ll end up shoveling said snow eventually.
My folks have the right idea–they turned into snowbirds at the start of the new year and are traveling in warmer climes (you can even read about their adventures!) Our family has grown by two. Their dogs, Dillon and Coco, have temporarily adopted us. Atticus is happy to have regular playmates. He’s also thrilled to have mountains of snow to romp, dig, and roll in…the Husky is strong in that pup.
The kids spend a lot of time inside due to the weather, but we’re armed with Play-Doh, finger paints, baking, LEGOs, puzzle games, movies, and a ridiculous number of toys. They have an entire playroom to themselves, but you can guess how often they use it.
Ellie is making us proud with her reading skills, although now it’s harder to sneak stuff by her by spelling it out loud.
Gwen hangs out at home, and as a result, our family hasn’t been ill all winter. Usually by now I’d have had at least two stomach viruses and a cold, but so far (knock on wood) all I’ve come down with is a case of the sniffles that barely registered on my Radar of Sick. Even elementary school germs can’t compete with daycare germs. That alone has made this winter more tolerable than most.
I realized the other day that when Ellie was two and some months, I was already pregnant with Gwen. This is probably why I’m enjoying Gwen’s two-year-old-ness–life on the whole is more enjoyable when you’re not vomiting and/or exhausted! Who knew?
It occurs to me, as Gwen moves away from baby-dom and into full-fledged kid-dom, that we’re rapidly shedding the accoutrements of baby life. She gave up both her binky and diapers in January. Her crib has been retired to the basement. She’s talking more clearly and showing preferences, and her goofy, sweet-hearted personality is making itself known.
I admit, this is a transition I’m feeling great about. They were cute as babies, but now they’re cute and (more) independent! I’m getting the best of both worlds, with the occasional tantrum thrown in for good measure. I can handle that if it means I spend less time wiping other people’s butts.
As for me, I’m in the process of writing/editing my NaNoWriMo novel, and it’s taking for-ev-er because I keep finding ways to distract myself (like, say, writing this post). Meanwhile, I posted the first novel on its own site.
I’m also taking advantage of the indoor time to redesign all my sites that have fallen into a state of neglect over the last year, including this one. I’m using slightly modified versions of my recent theme designs, a process developers know as “dogfooding.” Dogfooding takes on a more literal meaning in this house.
I feel like I’m coming out of a rather uncomfortable phase that’s equal parts hormonal-sleep-deprived-mother-of-two-little-kids-craziness and late-twenty-something-problems and oh-my-god-we-moved-and-adopted-a-puppy-at-the-same-time-last-year-insanity.
In other words, things are finally starting to level out. So while the weather is still brutal and bitter cold, to the point where I have an actual physical craving for spring, I also feel pretty good about life right now. Maybe even great. Yeah, we’ll go with great.
my village
We’re in the middle of yet another snowstorm, and the only reason we have food today is because our nanny, E, offered to go grocery shopping for us before the storm hit.
Let that sink in for a moment–our nanny volunteered to take our two-year-old to the grocery store to do our shopping for us. She even made a special trip to Wal-Mart because the valentines I asked her to get for Ellie’s class were too expensive at the grocery store. And then she took Gwen to the candy store to pick out a few treats, just because.
Never mind all those trips to the library, the park, and the quality playtime she’s spent with both kids since we moved here.
It really got me thinking about how lucky we’ve been, not just with E (who is amazing) but with all the people who’ve treated our kids like family instead of charges. We may pay for the care, but you can’t buy the kind of relationship my girls have had with their various caregivers over the years, and for that, we’re incredibly fortunate.
Beyond that, we’re lucky to live with family who do things like mow the lawn and watch the dogs and act as back-up care for the kids (and just being here–sometimes it’s nice to know there’s another adult in the house!) We have a family friend who cleans for us once a week. And I’m personally grateful to have a husband who is an equal parent and does his fair share of juggling All The Things.
Then there’s my job, where I’m lucky enough to have the autonomy to work when I need to, the flexibility to work with my family’s schedule rather than around it, and to have the freedom to stay creative and genuinely love what I do.
A question I keep coming back to, specifically as it relates to work and life and having time for myself, is “How do I do it?”
It came up at dinner with some teammates in Charleston a few weeks ago. I was rambling on about my newly-acquired fanfic writing habit, and a co-worker asked the question.
I said something to the effect of, “My kids watch a lot of TV.” I was joking, of course (though my kids do watch too much TV, sigh), but I keep coming back to this question because people keep asking me–how do I do it? And I would like to be able to give a concrete answer.
So yesterday, when E was standing there with my kid on her hip, saying, “Hey, do you guys need anything at the store before the storm hits? I’m happy to do it, and it would keep Gwen occupied for a bit,” I realized a big part of the answer to that question is, “I have help!”
They say it takes a village to raise a child, and we’re lucky to have a village plus some.
But this got me thinking about a tangentially related issue, which is about recognizing my strengths and admitting my weaknesses and accepting them for what they are. For me, “how do I do it” means giving up unrealistic ideas about the kind of person I “should” be, and not pitting her against the person I actually am. I am not a full-time, stay-at-home mom–why would I expect myself to act like one? Likewise, I can’t stay up ’til the wee hours writing and theming, because: kids!
It’s a constant struggle for balance that no amount of hired help can fix. If nothing else, I’ve learned that I can survive on a little less sleep and a little more coffee.
Maybe a lot more coffee…
Gwen has reached that stage of development where she refuses to keep her pants on. Future Automattician in the making!
I adore that my child has a lively and active imagination. Sometimes I just wish it weren’t so loud.
2013 in review
London!
2013 was rough–stressful in both good and bad ways, and looking back I’m floored at the amount of stuff our family has been through. There’s been travel, moving, new additions, injuries, and work–we’ve run the gamut, and I’m proud of all of us for making it through with relative good humor and patience. Hopefully 2014 will go a little easier on us.
A rough timeline of events:
- A work trip to Hawaii in January made for a picture perfect start to the year
- In April, we adopted Atticus. I had no idea one puppy could be so much work! But he is a sweetheart, and he’s calmed down quite a bit since we first brought him home. He likes to lay on my feet on the couch at night while I write or work.
- In May, I traveled to Italy for work. Our team stayed in a rustic countryside villa in the hills outside of Florence, which was as amazing as it sounds.
- We sold our condo in central Maine and moved north (the nearest Starbucks is in Canada, if that tells you how far north we are), back to my childhood home, to be closer to family. Easily one of the best decisions we could have made. The girls are thriving, and we’re loving all this space.
- Gwen turned two in September, and boy, did she ever turn two. She owns her two-ness. She climbs, she runs, she’s maniacally happy and sad in one breath, she’s persistent and driven, and she wants to do everything by herself. Yep, definitely two.
- Speaking of Gwen, we had that burn accident in September, which landed her in the hospital for three days and scared us all pretty badly. Thankfully everything turned out OK, we held it together, and she came out mostly unscathed. Though now she likes to tell everyone, “Mama spill hot coffee on my monkey shirt! Hurt. I cry.”
- Another trip, this time to San Francisco and Santa Cruz for the Automattic company meetup.
- We were without regular internet access until November, which made things difficult for working at home, but we managed. Got pretty familiar with the very few free wi-fi spots in town, and drank a lot of Tim Horton’s coffee.
- I wrote not one but two novel-length pieces of X-Files fanfic, completing my first NaNoWriMo! Woohoo! I’m in the process of publishing the first novel here.
- November also marked my second European trip of the year, this time to London, and I really want to go back; I feel like I could have spent weeks there.
- I worked a lot. I may have spent more time in pajamas than is considered socially acceptable. I continue to marvel at how lucky I am to work with the people I do, and to get paid to do the stuff I do. From home. In my pajamas with the Ninja Turtles on them. Yeah. I love my job.
- I struggled with depression, and it took a lot of time and convincing for me to acknowledge it, but with help from an SSRI and therapy, I’m ending the year from a happier, more balanced place.
- Ellie turned five in December, which feels like a personal milestone for me. When she was a newborn, I remember thinking of five as some magical, mystical age in the distant future, and now it’s here, and I am so proud of my smart, funny, beautiful little girl. She drives me crazy, but I love her to pieces and I can’t wait to see what the next five years bring.
Upcoming in 2014? More travel. Potty training (redux). More fanfic writing. Working. Family. And hopefully a happier, more positive outlook on the whole.
when good coffee goes bad
Last month we got to experience our first serious trip to the E.R. and our first non-birth-related hospital stay. I suppose after two kids and nearly five years of parenthood, we’re statistically below average on that front, but this is one case where I’m happy not to be an overachiever.
We’ve been on a “breakfast for dinner” kick, and were in the final stages of preparing the night’s meal, including a fresh pot of coffee for Tim and I. I moved to put the coffee back on the burner, got distracted by Gwen, who was getting into the fridge, when the pot slipped out of my hand and came crashing down on her head, shattering on the floor.
Tim swooped her out of the mess immediately; my first reaction was, “Broken glass, bare feet, NOT GOOD,” and it’s a few seconds later, as I’m watching the steam rise off her clothes, that I realize she’s probably burned, too. Tim undressed her and sure enough, her skin was already peeling and blistering down her front and back.
9-1-1. Ambulance. Second degree burns to 30% of her body. The smaller local hospital transferred us to Bangor that night, and we were told she’d probably be there a week, with two to three weeks to fully heal. IVs, pain medication, abrasive baths to remove dead skin. Burn care and regular follow-ups after.
My constant refrain throughout was, “It was bad, but it could have been worse.” And though it’s not in my nature to put a positive spin on something like this, I learned some important things.
We have an amazing network of family, friends, and co-workers who sent messages of love and well-being, visited, offered support, and helped out where they could. We didn’t have to worry about work, or home stuff, or Ellie. The staff at Eastern Maine Medical Center were responsive and caring. It reinforced that we are so lucky to know the people we do.
I learned that our daughter is a trooper. Two days post-burn, she was just as happy and cheerful as ever. Two-year-olds are resilient and incredibly quick healers. I was relieved, because having to fight her about her medication every day for three weeks would have been hell.
I also learned that I am surprisingly competent and calm in a crisis situation. I held my shit together during the ordeal, the treatments, and the aftermath. It sucked, it was a rough week, but I got through it with a mostly positive attitude, minimal guilt, and the occasional laugh. I have to thank the Celexa for some of that, because if this had happened six months ago, I don’t think I would have handled it well.
Thankfully “a week” became three days at the hospital, and “two to three weeks” became one week’s healing time. She still has a faint outline, but it probably won’t scar much, if at all, and hopefully she won’t remember any of the trauma. We will, but as I keep telling myself, it could have been so much worse.
lunch at chez ellie
Ellie: “Mama! Do you want to play restaurant?”
Me: “Sure!”
Ellie: “OK. I’ll take your order. Umm… we have pancakes, sausage, eggs, coleslaw… and beef.”
Me: “Ooh, can I get some pancakes? With beef on top?”
Ellie: “Sure! But the sausage won’t be ready for a few minutes.”
Me: “Oh, I wanted beef, not sausage.”
Ellie: “Well, there’s not a lot of beef left, and I’m going to give it to the next people who come into the restaurant. But you can have sausage!”
Me: … “But I don’t want sausage! I wanted beef.”
Ellie: “OK! What’s your name?”
Me: “Caroline.”
Ellie: “And your middle initial?”
Me: “Why do you need my middle initial?”
Ellie: “It’s for your order!”
Me: “Uhh, it’s ‘E’.”
Ellie: “OK, and what’s your telephone number?”
Me: “555-5555… why do you need my telephone number?”
Ellie: “And your address?”
Me: “Uh. 555 Some Road.”
Ellie: “Annnd… how many monies do you have?”
Me: “Huh?”
Ellie: *sigh* “Mama, I need to know if you have enough money for your food. If not, you have to leave the restaurant. Only people who have enough money can eat at this restaurant.”
Me: “Well jeez. I have thirty dollars, is that enough?”
Ellie: “Perfect! I’ll put your order in.”
(Ellie doesn’t move.)
Me: “Great!”
Ellie: “You’re a really good customer, Mama! But some people over there aren’t good customers. They’re throwing food. I had to kick them out of my restaurant.”
Me: “Oh, that’s not good, huh?”
Ellie: “Yeah. They didn’t have enough monies, and they were throwing food, so I had to Duct Tape the door so they can’t get in.”
Me: “… you mean I’m Duct Taped into your restaurant?”
Ellie: “Yeah! Cause you’re one of the good customers!”
Me: “… lucky me. So, when will my food be ready?”
Ellie: “After it’s cooked.”
Me: “Of course.”
(At this point, I can’t stop laughing.)
Ellie: “MAMA! There’s NO laughing in my restaurant!”
Me: “Oh! Sorry.”
Ellie: “We don’t laugh in restaurants, Mama, that’s not nice.”
Me: “Y’know, I’m starving; do you think my pancakes are ready?”
Ellie: “Mmm, not yet. Hey! Can I watch a show?”
Me: “… sure.”
This little game of pretend turned decidedly Misery-like. I never did get my food.
puppy or toddler
It’s time for everyone’s favorite game show… Puppy or Toddler!
Hello, folks, I’m your host, Alan Finchmore, and this is Puppy or Toddler, the game show where you try to guess whether the named behavior is that of a puppy or a toddler. It’s harder than you’d think!
Our three contestants are ready to go, so let’s get started with our first question…
Host: Who ripped up tissues and spread them all over the house while I took a shower this morning? Contestant #2?
Contestant #2: The puppy!
Host: Sorry, you are incorrect — that was the toddler, though I’m sure the puppy would have helped if he could. Next question! Who regularly picks up random stuff off the ground and chews on it — puppy or toddler?
Contestant #3: Uh, the puppy?
Host: I’m sorry, that is incorrect — the answer we were looking for was, “the toddler”. Good thing she’s had her tetanus shot, am I right folks? Hah-hah! Moving on! Last night, who woke up at 11 p.m. and howled in her bed, loud enough to wake up the neighborhood — puppy or toddler? Contestant #1?
Contestant #1: What is “the puppy”, Alan!
Host: Relax, Contestant #1, this isn’t Jeopardy. And I’m sorry, that is wrong. The correct answer is “both of them, at the same time.” Wow, you guys really suck at this — hah-hah! OK, next question: Who ate a piece of three-day-old cheddar found underneath the couch — puppy or toddler?
Contestant #1: Oh, gross. It’s gotta be the puppy, right?
Host: Sorry, no, that was actually the preschooler. Trick question, hah-hah! She should know better, amirite? Oh well. Let’s play again: Who regularly gets tangled in her leash during her morning walk — puppy or toddler?
Contestant #2: Umm… I hope it’s the puppy.
Host: I’m sorry, that’s incorrect. Hah-hah, just kidding! Who would put a leash on a toddler? That’s crazytalk! Yes, Contestant #2, you’re correct! Next question: Who is most likely to play with the Ms. Princess Wets-her-Pants doll — puppy or toddler?
Contestant #1: The toddler?
Host: Oooh, so close, it’s actually the puppy… the toddler’s favorite toy is a Kong full of peanut butter. Sorry. On to our next question: Who peed on the kitchen floor and tracked it through the house — puppy or toddler?
Contestant #2: Uhh… the toddler?
Host: Correct! You’re catching on! Alas, it seems we’ve run out of time. Looking at the final score, congratulations, Contestant #2 — you’ve won Puppy or Toddler! What’s her prize, Jim?
Announcer: Congratulations, Contestant #2! You’ve won your choice of… a puppy or a toddler!
Contestant #2: Umm, I think I’ll take the puppy, Alan.
Host: Excellent choice, excellent! Well, that’s all for today, folks! We’ll see you next time on Puppy or Toddler, the game show that doubles as birth control!
Don’t forget to read to your puppies, and have your toddlers spayed or neutered. Have a good night!
sisters
http://instagram.com/p/YFxNa_TGNc/
Yes, it’s a lot of work, and yes, there are many days when I just want to hide under a blanket until they go to sleep… but moments like this make it totally worth it.