Happy birthday, big girl!

It’s been a banner year for you, Ellie. While 2016 was stomping over the rest of us, you stepped outside your comfort zone, tried new things, and came away from it all grinning and asking for more.

You went to a week-long Girl Scout camp for the first time. We worried about sending you to stay in a strange place, but you jumped in with both feet, with barely a “Love you, bye!” when we dropped you off. You sobbed for hours when it was over and still talk about your camp friends, the memories you made, and how much you can’t wait to go back. We got a glimpse of the independent young woman you’ll be, and it was both heartbreaking and breathtaking to observe.

You’re still our geek; we never have to ask you to do your homework, you voluntarily spend extra time working on math problems and making up assignments for yourself, and you’re a straight-A student. You joined the gifted & talented program this month, the youngest in your class, and it’s given you so much to talk about. I love that you love to learn, and I hope that continues!

You wow me with your ability to make friends and chat people up with only a hint of self-consciousness. Your father and I, staunch introverts, wonder how we made such a bubbly, enthusiastic kid.

And yet, I see shyness in you, too; like this fall, when you refused to dance at your uncle’s wedding. You’re starting to notice differences; what makes people stand out, what makes people blend in. If I could wish for anything, it would be for you to ignore that little voice of self-doubt for a few more years, and to dance with the freedom of your six-year-old self.

For all your maturity, you’re also loud, rambunctious, and silly. You still believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. You have to be reminded not to use bathroom words (and make bathroom noises, ahem) at the dinner table. You still want kisses goodnight and snuggles in the morning.

You’re eager to “grow up”, but scared of what that means. And I have to remind myself that you’re not thirteen (as much as you wish you were). You’re eight — eight! — and you have a lot of growing to do.

Take your time, kiddo. You’re living some pretty great years right now. I’m so lucky I get to watch and cheer you on.

Happy birthday, Ellie!

This day seven years ago brought a world of change to our family, in the form of 7 lbs 13 oz of baby girl, who now looks like this:

Little sister included for scale
Little sister included for scale.

Ellie and I got off to a rocky start. A long labor and rough birth coupled with breastfeeding struggles meant lots of changes to my meticulous, best-laid plans. Her first week outside the womb was humbling and exhausting in ways I’ve yet to experience in any other part of my life, including the birth of our second daughter.

Any motherly instinct I might have had was quashed by well-meaning and sometimes conflicting advice from my friends, family, pediatrician, midwife, and doula. I wanted desperately to do everything right which, of course, is impossible, but never underestimate the power of postpartum hormones to convince you of impossible things.

It took about six weeks before I felt like Ellie wasn’t someone else’s kid on temporary loan. I loved her, adored her, but the role of “Mom” was a tight fit. For a while, I felt more like a failed dairy cow than a Mom-with-a-capital-M. She took my orderly world, tipped it on its side and shook it like a snow globe.

…but snow globes are beautiful when shaken, and things got better. I learned to relax a little, and she learned to sleep a little, and we came to a mutual understanding — that we’d both do the best we could, and we’d probably come out all right.

What is this “cookie” you speak of, and where can I obtain more of it?

Now she’s a bright, growing kid with a mind that blows me away. She’s a voracious learner, a sponge for academics; math and reading and science are all fair game. She loves to be the center of attention, the boss. “Mama, look at this!” is a frequent refrain. She reminds me of myself as a kid, but bolder, more outgoing, more outspoken.

You are getting verrrrry sleeeeeeepy…

In turn, she’s made me braver, more empathetic, and more patient. She’s given me a perspective on life that’s entirely unique to our relationship, as I think first-borns are prone to do.

Thanks to Ellie, I’ve watched my husband and partner of 15 years become a loving, doting father. And three years down the road, I got to witness her transformation from only child to big sister, a role it seems she was born to play.


From a tiny, squalling baby to a dancing, laughing big girl — I’m so lucky to be able to learn from her. Happy birthday, sweet girl.


Someone turned four last week. I would have made this post earlier, but something always got in the way.

Then I realized, maybe the reason I’ve hesitated to write this is because I’m having a difficult time accepting that my “baby” is four years old.

It’s so much harder the last time around.

Happy birthday, Gwen. No matter how old you get, you’ll always be my baby.

Happy three to my baby

Three years ago at about this time, my water broke after what felt like eons (read: 41 weeks) of pregnancy, and eight hours later I delivered this charming little monkey:

Gwen and Roar

Of course, at the time, she looked more like this…

Minutes old - photo by Evelyn Conrad (yourbirthconnection.com)

The addition of Miss Guinevere made our family complete.

The whole family -- photo by Evelyn Conrad (yourbirthconnection.com)

It also marked the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

My babies

She’s grown too fast, but as I am quick to remind her, she’ll always be my baby girl.

serious cute

Happy birthday, Gwen. Thanks for keeping us on our toes from the beginning. 🙂

ellie turns three; we rejoice (and break out the mop)

Yesterday, my darling girl turned three. Three. I need to let that sink in for a moment.

Theoretically we’ve survived the “terrible twos,” although I suspect three has its fair share of surprises in store. As the Iron Will of Ellie gets stronger, our political maneuverings get more intense. We’re still in negotiations over hair-brushing, “dinner” is a nightly trial (grapes and cheese qualify as a complete meal, didn’t you know?) and we’re considering changing her middle name to Bossypants.

Elspeth Bossypants Moore. She’s named after me.

Don’t get me wrong; there are upsides to three, too. Highlights include the ability to entertain herself for longer stretches, a few more inches’ slack on the proverbial parental leash and the pleasure of spending our time with one of the most funny, spirited, articulate kids I’ve ever met. Not that I’m biased or anything.

The big bonus: In recent days, Ellie has decided the potty is no longer for suckers.

Happy birthday to us!

The caveat: Potty-training does not happen overnight (at least, not in this house) and this is just the beginning of what I’m fairly certain will be a long, messy road. I’m getting pretty friendly with the mop and the washing machine. But hey, whatever it takes to have only one kid in diapers! It’s a big step in the right direction.

Happy birthday, Ellie. May your days be filled with laughter, love, joy… and the occasional puddle.

the best kind of trouble

I’ve been a very bad blogger as of late… too many priorities to juggle this time of year. But I wanted to say happy birthday to my darling daughter, who officially turned 2 at 7:01 this morning. As I remember, this time two years ago I was in a state of awe and wonder at the tiny little being who is no longer very tiny at all (I was also quite sore and sleepless, but that’s to be expected.)

Miss Ellie is quite pleased with all the fuss. We dropped her off at school, where they’d stuck balloons on the windows and gave her a yellow crown to wear. The look on her face implied complete bliss at being the center of attention, with a hint of smug satisfaction; thank goodness the rest of us finally wised up to Her Highness’ true nature! On a related note: We are in so. much. trouble.

But baby girl, you are the best kind of trouble. Happy birthday, Elspeth.

cowabunga, and so forth.

Holy moly, where have I been?  Lost in my own head somewhere.  But I’m popping out of my narcissistic stupor for a moment to say, “Hello, Internets!”  And because I know you missed me, it’s time for another edition of…

What is Caro thinking right now?

  • I found the perfect underwear.  They’re simple, they’re comfortable, and they’re the granny-panties of my dreams.  Every time I put them on, I feel like my butt is getting a big, soft, warm hug.  I mean, wouldn’t you hug your butt if it was physically possible?  Sure you would.
  • I celebrated a birthday somewhere toward the end of January, and I spent most of it moping.  However, I did remember to treat myself to an online shopping spree of epic proportions.  And then I celebrated by slathering myself with Philosophy’s Vanilla Birthday Cake and Buttercream Frosting body washes.  My shower smells like a bakery, which helps me forget about the fact that I have too much gray hair for a 24-year-old, and that I still can’t wash away that unsightly bathtub ring.
  • Bonus points if you got the TMNT reference in that last sentence.
  • A certain popular video game expansion pack that was released a couple weeks ago has given me a reason to live play WoW again.  Sheara will get to level 70 if only because she needs a flying mount to be able to fish the highland lakes in Terokkar Forest.  No, really.  Raiding?  What?  I pay 15 bucks a month to fish!  Level 66 and counting.
  • All hail the mighty Tax Refund!
  • Three letters:  Dee Vee Arrrrrr.  That’s right.  The S.O. and I finally joined the 21st century and signed up for digital cable, complete with DVR.  When he was little, my brother the bird bladder (sorry J!) would sit down with the rest of the family to watch TV, and five minutes into the show he’d say, “Mum, pause it, I need to go to the bathroom.”  My mother would respond with, “You can’t pause television, silly.”  Now, eighteen years later, my bro’s bird bladder dreams have been realized.  Who’s the silly one now, huh!?!  HUH?!?!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be in the living room, obsessively pausing and rewinding 24.  Just because I can.

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