Lessons in Christmas tree
- Fake ones shed just as much as real ones, except eventually the real ones die, at which point you toss them to the curb and they stop shedding. Fake ones don’t die, they just keep shedding, and shedding, and shedding, and in twenty years you’ll still be picking fake pine needles out of your carpet.
- Assembling a plastic Christmas tree is fairly straightforward unless you’re me, in which case you’ll spend upwards of three hours meticulously arranging the offshoots on each branch… one… by… one.
- Put three cats and one Christmas tree in a room and you’ll witness an almost violent demonstration of magnetism. The number of pretty glass ornaments on your tree increases that magnetic force exponentially.
- The laws of Proper Christmas Tree Decorating state that you need at least as many strings of lights as the tree is tall in feet, and the laws of Christmas Chaos state that you’ll always have two less than the required number.
Ho ho ho, indeed! Pictures later.